Tonight I had to drive Stephen to a party and let me just tell you, I am not a happy camper! I hate I mean hate having to drive on the snowy roads. Well, it's not the snow so much that I hate it's when I see ice and it's all shiny and my car is sliding as I accelerate and I get paranoid and scared, and when I get scared I get mad!
I have been having axiety all day today ...which I hate and sometimes when I feel that anxioius, insecure feeling I get angry! Is that weird? I have been this way since I can remember. When I get to feeling anxious or scared sometimes it makes me angry. It makes me want to cry or fight and it makes me say bad words! Which I dont usually do outloud so dont tell my kids. Anyway, then I find myself cussing out my husband for not doing the driving for me even though he is not there to hear me.
Mike is not the rescue type of personality. He's the "ah, you can do it yourself" type which I hate at times like these. I just want him to do the tough stuff for me...like drive Stephen to the party in the snow so I dont have to!! Thanks to his Mom who does everything...I guess he thinks I should be just as tough, but you know what? Sometimes I am not tough and I need to be babied! Okay? I wonder what I would do if he did baby me....would I like it? Or would it bug me? I dont know. All I know is that tonight I wanted him to baby me and drive in the snow for me so that I would not have had to drive in it all the way feeling like I was gonna get in a bad accident and die on my way home. I told Stephen he better kiss me goodbye tonight when I dropped him off because it may be the last time I see him. Angry! Angry!