Reflections of a teenage girl..."Celestial friendships"

Sitting at the desk in the family room I could feel that my whole life was about to change.  I was 17 and it was 11:00 pm and I was so happy to get his call.  However, the happiness faded when on the other end of the phone I heard a very heart wrenched young man who obviously loved me...well, as much as an 18 year old boy knew how to love.  I knew without a doubt that he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.  Having grown up without the unconditional love of a good man in my life, this young man had fullfilled all my dreams of what it really was like to be loved so unconditonally by a man, a good man.   So, why was I about to let him go?  He was away at school and I was back at home.  He should have been having the time of his life, but he wasn't.  I smiled inside when I realized that the reason why was because of his feelings, even though we were so far away from eachother, for me.  Me...just Me!  Wow, how lucky, how blessed was I at such a young age to find someone so good, so true...true to Me? 

Deep down I knew I needed to let him go.  But, I knew that this might be the stupidest thing I would ever do.  But out of pure unconditional love for him, I knew I had to free his heart.  Deep, very deep down inside I knew that the timing was all wrong for this particular sweet relationship.  Had I not been so young and so hopeful, had i known all the heartache I had still yet to endure, I probably would not have done it.  But, by this time in my life I had been blessed with a conviction, which he had helped to confirm in me.  A conviction that there was something more, a conviction that I was worth all the blessings that I desired.  And I knew my time would come and I would once again meet someone else. Someone just as wonderful. Someone just as good.  Someone just as worthy as he was of my love.  However, this was faith.  The kind of faith that caused you to do crazy things. The kind I then called "blind".  Blind because I could not not see, I did not know for certain.  Those few words in my blessing instilled that faith in my young heart and I mustered up the courage to tell him.  To tell him that it was okay.  That he was free.  That this sweet union of ours was not to last past this time anyway.  I took a deep breath and I said it. 

I wanted to take it back as soon as the words left my lips.  I wanted to rewind and take it all back.  But I knew what I had done was right and it tore at my heart for a very long time.  Those words also tore at his as he tried to choke back obvious tears.  Why?  Why? Why, did I do it.  Why would I let go of something so good, on purpose? 

The years that followed proved to be difficult with many ups and downs in the "Love" department yet, somehow it kept me going.  To do something so difficult, so courageous at such a young age, somehow gave me the strength to not give up.  It was like a rollercoaster ride.  My twists and turns and ups and downs of faith.  And as often as I had let go of that faith, I would come back to it again.  And then after 18 years of agony, doubts from time to time, and moments of regret...I finally met Him!

He was absolutely perfect!  Perfect for me.  He came in to my life and I once again felt like the luckiest girl in the world.  But this was different.  It was more, it was better in so many ways and on so many levels.  I cried for days.  Literally, to and from work.  Truthfully, what did I do to deserve such a wonderful man?  Why did I deserve to have such unconditonal love and devotion in my life?  Afterall I had faltered from time to time, I wavered here and there.  There were times I wanted to give up, for good. Mom would always say, "you just can't ever give up, because you never know what's right around the corner"...and so I didn't.  And now after 18 years, her statement proved to be TRUE. 

Fast forward now 23 years ahead. 3 children, and many many trials later. I am very aware of  the many ups and downs that have played a significant part of the 48 years I have been alive. And oh so many blessings, more than I ever thought possible. Now with "Him" at my side and a wonderful family of good, valiant, righteous beautiful boys, I sit in awe.   And I realize that there were some very tender and significant moments and choices I made in my life that have played a very important role in where I am today.  And some people will never be forgotten and are appreciated now more than ever.  Celestial friendships.....that's what I call them.