HOPE

So, when I think about Hope, these are the things that come to my mind.

H- is for Home
O- is for optimism
P- is for people
E- is for Eager

Hope is a powerful word when you think about it.  When you have hope, it makes you a better person.  However, you can hope for things that are not realistic too and then that just makes you crazy!
So, I try not to be too crazy.  Although I have been known to be crazy a lot of the time....but we won't go there right now. 

I am a pretty open person.  What you see is what you get.  Sometimes that gets me into trouble but I try most of the time to stay out of that kind of trouble.  Anyway, today I am choosing to be hopeful.  Because Hope brings power and optimism.  The first thing that comes to my mind when I hope is my family and my home.  I want my home to be a place where my children feel safe and warm and secure.  I also think about people.  The people in my life that I love and want to be happy. And lastly I think about eagerness.  Yes, I am eager but try to not be too impatient for the things I hope for.  Is that possible?  I sure "HOPE" so! 

So, today I feel hopeful. Hopeful that life will move forward in a good way.  Hopeful that someone is aware of our little family and that the blessings that we need or will need in the near future will be realized.  I hope my kids know just how blessed they are in spite of hard times. I hope that when the really important things come around we will be able to take care of them.  I hope that I am getting better in my old age.  And I hope for a bright future for all of us.  I sure hope I can endure my trials and always choose to keep a positive perspective no matter what.  And when all else fails I hope to always be found on the Lord's side. 

Peace

Peace.  This word has been on my mind a lot lately.  The other day I was having a hard day and as I was talking with a friend and he asked me, "what was it that challenged your peace"?  I thought that this was a very interesting question.  In fact I thought it was kind of a silly question at first.  Then the more I thought about it the more I realized that this was a very thought provoking question for me.

We all want peace right?  I mean come on I am almost 50 years old now.  At this point in my life "Peace" is about the only thing that really matters anymore.  So, as I thought more on what actually challenged my "peace", I realized that in order to have peace in my life regardless of what happens, I need to do those things that bring that peace.  So, here are some of the things that bring me peace.

1.  I feel peace when I get plenty of sleep
2.  I feel peace when I take a long walk to start my day
3.  I feel peace when my home is clean and orderly
4.  I feel peace when I spend time with my children
5.  I feel peace when I pray with a sincere heart
6.  I feel peace when I don't over eat
7.  I feel peace when I take time for me
8.  I feel peace when I attend the temple worthily
9.  I feel peace when My Man and I are on the same page
10.I feel peace when I remember I have a best friend who gets me when no one else does

These things are true for me.  What brings you peace?

Beware the Whining!

Okay, so I'm usually pretty upbeat.  I try to keep my blog that way.  However, lets be realistic.  Sometimes you just cant hold it together anymore and you feel yourself unraveling and on the verg of falling apart.  Well, if you don't, then I guess it's just me....but it's the real ME! 

I've been keeping it together pretty well up until this point.  Mike has been out of work again since just before Christmas.  I guess it was all new and I still felt pretty strong.  But Christmas has come and gone and life goes on right?  Well, then this month hit.  Yes, February.  February 19 is Michael's birthday.  February 27 is My Man's birthday and March 2 is Bryce's birthday.  And when this time of year comes I want to celebrate and let my family know just how much I love them.  But, with Mike out of work we are on such a strict budget that we cant do a whole lot. And so I feel frustrated, strapped, stifled, and out of control.  I know you are just waiting for the positive side of all of this to come out and well, so am I because right now I dont feel a whole lot of hope. In fact I feel like just breaking down, but like I said before it takes a lot for me to cry and I can feel it right at the surface of my throat, but it wont come out.  So, here I sit feeling all of these feelings and no way to express them.  I sit and pay the bills and I want to cry, but again, nothing comes out.
So, instead I come here to this blog to hopefully get some relief...and so far I dont feel any better.

Free at last

It was Friday night and there was no dance.  She really counted on them each weekend.  It was one of the few ways she was able to express the freedom to be herself.  What was a 20 year old girl to do?  She worked at Contempo Casuals and her best friend at JC Penney's.  They had decided to drive into work  together that night since they worked at the same Mall.  When closing time came they met in the parking lot at her best friends blue cellica that her Dad had helped her purchase. There was only one big problem with the car...she hated driving if she didn't HAVE to.  So, as usual she handed her friend the car keys and they were on their way.  It was an 80's hot summer's night and luckily her celica had a sun roof.  Being a Contempo Casuals sales clerk gave her the oppotunity to buy some pretty trendy clothes.  It was a fun way to express her daring side, which she almost never revealed in public.  At the time the layered look was in and she wore a black lace tank underneath her blouse to work that night. Her best friend worked as an operator and wore a more conservative wardrobe.  That night she wore a cute light weight sweater with a camasole underneath. 

They were enjoying their independance just as much as 2 single LDS girls could.  Afterall life was supposed to be fun and exciting at this age.  The thing she loved most about her best friend was that she knew how to have a good time.  She was "crazy" and always made the dull moments turn into laughter.  So,there they were, friday night, sun roof open, wide awake, hot, and nothing to do.  As they sat in the hot silence, suddenly she glanced over at her best friend who was taking off her sweater! She couldn't believe what she was seeing as they were supposedly good "Mormon girls".  As the sweater came off to reveal only the camasole underneath, she sighed...."ahhh, that feels better".  Her best friend was free.  Free to be herself, free to be cooler and free of the judgements of anyone who might be driving by and notice that she was basically in her underware. She laughed as she thought about her best friend's boldness!  She would have never thought to do such a thing.  "How imodest" she thought to herself.  Then she suddenly realized that she was still clothed, and inside her car, so why not?  She reached down and began to unbutton her blouse to reveal the black lace tank.  She pulled off her blouse just as she had witnessed her best friend do with her sweater.  She was right!  It felt great!  Free! Free at last!

silly memories:)

Me and PMS

  It's been one of those weeks where it started out okay and then my old friend "PMS" came to visit and it ended on sort of a bad note.  I feel like I turn into a very different person when "PMS" is here.  I sure hope only women read my blog:)  Anyway, it seems that the older I get the more I understand it and can separate "PMS" from "Me".  However, it does not change the fact that reality completely changes for me when he's here.  And there is no one who can tell me differently at the time.  I am so much more emotional and irritated  and things affect me so much more deeply when he visits.  I can swear that no one truly cares or understands me.  And then just a couple of days later I am completely calm and feeling loved and understood again.  It is as if I was somewhere entirely different for a few days and now I am back.  I really do feel sorry for "My Man".  He gets the brunt of it.  He is always steady and does not let it get to him, although I figure he must silently pray that it will pass ....soon!  So, I just have to remember that there is Me and there is PMS.  We are two very different people.  I used to think we were one and the same because I used to feel that way pretty much all of the time and I could not tell where his visits started and when they ended.  Wow!  That was a very frustrating number of years....yes, years!  But here I am now feeling and seeing the complete separation of the two.  Thank goodness.  I really look forward to the day that PMS is so far away from me that I can hardly remember what he was like.  We don't make a good pair and I really wish he would get the clue and leave me alone for good!  But for some reason he still thinks I like his monthly visits.  Someone seriously needs to tell him to go away and not come back.  Will you?.....please?

James Taylor - Something In The Way She Moves.mp4

I would love to be this woman he is singing about.
Love this song....it's beautiful!

crying

Me and crying....we don't go well together.  First of all I really look ugly when I cry.  Secondly it really does give me a headache.  But aside from that , I am not much of a crier at all.  Truthfully and sadly, I learned a long time ago that crying really gets me no where.  Not sure if I learned that as a little girl or a teenager, but it stuck and instead I developed a very thick skin.  Which actually was helpful when I met and married "My Man" since he is not the most tactful or sensitive man, by default.  However, I found it pleasing early on to fight my way thru the emotions in my adult life.  But the older I get the more I enjoy having a good cry which doesn't happen very often.  I still can not get the thought out of my head that it is a waste of energy, emotion and time.  But today I did it!  I had a good cry.  You see when the tears finally come out is when I am emotionally exhausted and someone says just the wrong thing and I finally have nothing left to do but let out the emotions by allowing my heart to accept the hurt, frustation or pain.  I know it is all very sad but true.  Crying, good or bad, sometimes it just has to be done!

James Taylor - Secret O' Life (With lyrics)

I have been in a James Taylor mood today and I came across this
song and I realized how much I love it and how it is so true for me
today. So, I hope you enjoy it too!