Feeling again

The anticipation had left me numb.  I had cried off and on over the past few weeks as I thought about his return.  But at this point, standing in the airport, I no longer knew what to feel.  Truthfully, I had gotten used to him being away. " The ambilical cord had been cut" (as he put it) and he no longer needed me to give him constant advice and encouragement.  He had learned to get along well without me now.  On top of that, he seemed as though he was happier than he had ever been.  All this was okay however, since he was on a his mission and that is the way it was supposed to be.....right?  So, after a few months of adjusting to this new way of life, I had finally gotten used to our lives being separate.  So, what was I supposed to expect now after 2 very long years?  Mike had regretably found out the day before that his boss was going out of town and he would have to hold down the job the next day, the day Michael would be returning.  I was tempted to be very angry, however, I finally came to the conclusion that Mike was just as disappointed as I was and we were lucky that he had a job. But this was it, the day we all had waited for.  The moment of truth.  The truth about what our lives would be like with him in it again.

So, there we were, my little family, a group of extended family members from both sides, along with 4 other families waiting the arrival of our missionaries.  It seems that we waited forever and I figured if I knew my son, he would be making us wait until the very end.  Grandma Rose finally ran over to me and said, "I see him, he's coming!"  I was afraid to look.  I turned my back to the on coming passengers for a minute, nervous about how i would react.  Finally, everyone around me started to scream and I saw Mom reach up and grab her grandson.  Someone had led me in the wrong direction and gave Michael a short cut thru to the crowd.  As I re-routed my way thru the crowd and approached the hugging couple, I started to feel.  The reality of his return was tangable now.  I covered my face and began to sob.  As he approached me with "Hi Mum", I grabbed him and held him closer and tighter than I ever had before.  With my face buried into his shoulder, I let go.  I sobbed uncontrollably and the deeper my head was buried the harder I cried.  I finally caught myself as I realized that my sobs were so loud that people were probably wondering what was wrong with this crazy woman.  I then tried to get it together and I took a deep breath and apologized to my new son for losing it.  He was crying too now as we locked eyes........ I could feel again.

GOING HOME

Well,  you might think that I am going overboard with Michael coming home and writing about all of my feelings and the anticipation all the time.  Well, that's the beauty of blogging or following blogs.  You don't always have to read what has been written!  However another very beautiful thing about blogging is that the blogger has the freedom of expressing herself however she sees fit.  For me, my blog is very much like a journal.  I most oft times write about my feelings ,during this journey I call my life, of any particular given experience I may be having at any given moment or time.  It's a great outlet for me and may or may not be interesting to anyone else. And that's okay.

I certainly don't want my life to just pass me by or to just get thru it.  I want to remember what it is I felt before, during and after.  I want to savor the good times and bask in the beauty of my most precious moments.
And right now I am basking in the beauty of having our first missionary come home from his mission.  I have been doing really well lately (besides a little bit of crying here and there) as I have been preparing.  However, yesterday right as RS started I began to cry, unfortunately I was conducting....not good.  The lesson was on Families.  It just hit me like a ton of bricks!  The spirit was so strong and I just could not hold the emotions any longer.  I was like a fountain over flowing.  The tears didn't want to stop. Well, by the end of the meeting I had finally gotten it together.....thank goodness!

I can only imagine what Michael must be feeling right now.  I remember coming home from my mission, I cried on the flight all the way home.  Today is Tuesday in Australia and so Michael probably didnt sleep much last night and is probably up early preparing to fly home.  That has got to be such a weird feeling for him.  He is probably feeling like he is leaving home again.  Australia has become his home.  Being a missionary has become who he is. The people he taught, the wards and his companions are his family he is leaving behind.  Such a sad time and yet so much joy awaits our son.  So many of us are so proud of him and all of his hard work!  We are so anxious to see him again, to be reunited with him again. To celebrate his success.  What a joyous occasion awaits us!  To be welcoming him home, for those of us  who have loved him all along.  Who have written to him and prayed for him and have patiently awaited his return.

This must be what it will be like when we return to our Heavenly Home.  When we pass on to the next life.  We will be so sad to leave our loved ones here behind, but so happy to be reunited with those we have missed and those we have loved all along.  To celebrate the hard work we have done here on this earth.

This truly is the true and living gospel on the earth today.  How eternally grateful I am to my Heavenly Father for the many many blessings that he has blessed me with.  For his goodness, his mercy his forgiveness and his unconditional love.  His Gospel truly is in it's fullness here on the earth.  The abundance of his love is truly felt in his church on the earth today.  There is so much he wants to give us if we just choose it.  Choose to believe and choose to follow in his ways.  I love him with all my heart and soul.  He is my greatest friend!

For Michael today there will be tears of sadness and tears of joy!  Tomorrow we welcome home ELDER MICHAEL NELSON......A FINE SERVANT OF THE LORD.....one of his SOLDIERS....and oh how PROUD WE ARE!!

Keeping it together

Well, I must say.  The time is flying right by until Michael's return.  Since Stephen was injured last week we have been busy with Dr. appts and surgery and just dealing with him.  But to add to this, my camera broke, and our dryer broke also.  Not to mention that Bryce has a friend here from Idaho this week.  He'll be here til Sunday.  Mike fixed the dryer last night, so if I can just get my camera fixed, my house cleaned and a pedicure before Tuesday we will be all good.

Stephen had a rough night last night adjusting to his medication.  We called the doctor and he told us to give him a double dose....thank goodness....it was a rough evening!  But we will continue with that for the next couple of days while we are dealing with the affects of the surgery.  He finally got the feeling back in his arm now.  That was a bit freaky for him.  Unfortunately he had visitors right at the peak of his pain....not good.  He is sleeping well this morning and I am waking him up every so often for more meds.

So, by Monday they say he should be holding his own with little medication.  Just in time for Michael's arrival.  Needless to say the time is flying by quickly!  Once Michael returns, we will have a whole slew of new visitors.  Thinking about all of this you would think I'd be losing it by now.  But, actually I am doing pretty well.  However, I had a dream last night that I lost it and I took it all out on my poor husand...do you think it is supressed stress?? I do!! So, I'm trying real hard to keep it all together.

Already crying

So, today marks one week until Michael returns.  I know, I know, I'm so trunky!  But, that's just the way it is. Sorry folks! I need to write in order to get control of my feelings...plus it just makes me feel better.  So, this morning I was driving down the road thinking about Michael's last letter home and it made me reflect on his sweet companion who is from a small island in Tonga.  And the reality of all the Michael has probably been thru over the past 2 years really hit me.  I honestly don't know what to expect when he walks off that plane but I do expect to see a very different young man than the one that left 2 years ago.  Thinking about all of this made the tears come to my eyes and they didn't want to stop but I took a deep breath and whipped them away and thought about something else. From the time Michael was a little boy and knew what a mission was he has wanted to go.  He prepared so well and kept it in the back of his mind always thru every choice that he made.  It has been such a joy to know that he has felt the blessings that he so looked forward to all those years.  That he was not disappointed and that he has been such a great example to his younger brothers.  The boys are starting to remind me each day and each minute just how long until Michael is home again and that just makes me even more teary eyed.  And on our way home from the doctor today Stephen and I stopped for lunch and while we were there it happened again as Stephen just mentioned again how Michael will be here this time next week.  So, if I am already crying, what is it gonna be like when I actually see him walk off that plane?  Well, maybe by then I will be all cried out and I wont need to cry anymore?  Maybe?  Well......we'll see.

However, I just want to soak in all of the blessings and love and tenderness from the Lord that we have received over the last 2 years.  This has truly been a time to remember.  Part of me really doesn't want it to end.  I can feel that special spirit of having a missionary start to fade and I will miss it so much!  I am so very grateful that I have to more to go....how can anyone ever tire of the great blessing of having a missionary serving the Lord?  Well, let's see how long til I cry again...it's going to be a long tear-filled 6 days! 

Starting to Freak out!

Today marks 11 days until the return of our missionary sonl.  I am seriously starting to freak out about it!  I have started waking up with anxiety each morning this past week.  There are so many things that I want to have done before he returns.  I am excited and anxious at the same time.  We are planning to have a big welcome home party on Saturday and then on Sunday he gives his homecoming talk in our ward.  Then we will come home right after for a lunch.  Then Michael will have an opportunity to share some more personal and funny experiences that happened on his mission as well as answer any questions that his close friends and family have for him.  I am also in the process of making him a welcome home quilt.  I am really excited about starting this tradition in our family for all of each of our return missionaries.  We have a lot of people that will be coming in and out of our home starting next week until the first week in August as we prepare for Michael's return.  We will then leave for California so that Michael can visit our ward members there and reunite with all of his friends.  So much to do in the next month.  Anxious, nervous, stressed, excited and emotional!  But such a joyous occassion!